iDestroyed everything?
by SeddiexTwilight
Summary: Freddie breaks up with Sam because of Carly. Sam becomes depressed and Griffin is trying to comfort her. Seddie/Creddie/Griffin&Sam Read&Review!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey people from all over the world! **

**I'm going to present you the first chapter of a story called 'iDestroyed everything?'. I don't like this name, but I didn't came up with anything better xD**

**Maybe I'll change it later. **

**So just read and you'll see why it's name is iDestroyed everyting?... **

**I don't own anything! :) **

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****Chapter 1**

"I'm going to take a shower now, okay?" Sam says, heading to Freddie's bathroom.

"Sure." Her boyfriend says and goes to his laptop but he doesn't sit down on his chair, he goes back to his bed but he doesn't lay down. He's too nervous.

"Freddie, you'll break her heart." He closes eyes and breathes in. He sees the smile of his blonde girlfriend in front of him. 1 and a half year they're going out now and today he'll end it.

He runs his fingers through his hair and tries to find the right words. He shouldn't stutter when he breaks up with Sam.

He looks at the clock. How can he tell her that he doesn't want to be with her anymore because of their best friend Carly? He loved Sam very much but then he started to feel more than friendship for the brunette.

"I'm back." Sam comes over to Freddie and kisses him. He kisses her back while she sits down next to him. He thinks Sam won't notice but she tastes the goodbye on his lips and feels it on her waist, where he's touching her.

"Sam..." Freddie starts but Sam presses her lips against his. She won't let him end this before she feels the goodbye not only on her lips and her waist. She wants to feel him one last time.

"Sam..." He says again and shoves her away softly to look in her blue eyes. "I don't know how to tell you but we can't be together anymore." Sam looks down and tears up.

"So please tell me a good reason to end 1 and a half year so easily. Tell me a good reason to let this go, to throw this away..." She says quietly. He wants to take her hand but she withdraws it.. If he'd touches her right now she was bursting out in tears.

"It's not easy for me Sam... You know, I really loved you." Sam still looks on her hand. It hurts when he says _loved_. It's hard to understand that this will be past.

"This wasn't my question. Tell me one reason why you break up with me. Otherwise, I won't accept it." Actually, she already knows the answer. But she wants it to hear from him.

"I fell in love with Carly again..." Now a tear falls down her face but she's still staring at her hand.

"I'm really sorry Sam. I wished..." Sam shakes her head.

"Please don't say something like this. I also wished I would've never fallen in love with you." Freddie looks shocked at the blonde next to him.

"You regret loving me...?" Sam shakes her head one more time.

"I don't regret it Freddie..." She still looks at her hand. Even if she is sad and kind of angry she can't lie to him.

"Sam..." There's also one tear falling down his face. Their relationship means a lot to him and he's not happy about ending this. But it's better for both of them.

"Do you want to stay here the last night?" He suddenly asks after a long break.

"Nope, I won't..." Then she hugs him pressing her head in his shoulder. He holds her tight while she breathes in the scent of his hair and his skin and when she kisses his cheek she hope that she'll keep this in mind. The scent of his hair, his skin and the taste of his lips she wants to remember this even if she's 80 years old.

"I hope you'll understand that I won't hang out with you guys for a while..." More tears are falling down her face. Freddie nods.

Then she stands up, after she whispered _I love you _.

And when she closes the door he says _Goodbye, Sam_.

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_I think about you._

_And all of the times that we shared._

_And oh what a wonderful pair._

_We made it so far._

_Here we go again._

_I think about love._

_And oh what a beautiful song._

_And oh how it needs to be sung__... here._

_Sing it so loud all the world can hear._

Safety Suit sings Sam's favourite song, while she cries on her bed. The pain is running through her veins. The 1 and a half years they were going out were the happiest 1 and a half years of her life. Until she was Freddie she never knew how it felt to belong to someone.

The feeling that you can tell someone _I love you_ and he'll tell you the same. The feeling she had when she slept with him the first time. Her body pressed against his while he kissed her sweetly. The feeling she had every time he took her hand. That's love...

_Oh what a beautiful song._

But that there'll also be sadness... If someone had told her that she'll cry because of this relationship she would've never believed.

Now she believes. She believes in the pain she feels. And she believes that she won't be happy ever again.

In addition, that he broke up with her doesn't only mean the end of their relationship. It also means the end of her friendship with Carly and the show iCarly they used to do every week.

It's the end of everything, the end of her old life. Freddie, Carly, Spencer, iCarly is past from now on. Now begins a new life...

But she doesn't realize that yet. She just cries and can't stop.

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**Next day in school**

Sam goes to her locker. She has dark bags under her eyes; she didn't sleep well last night. The blonde, who is everyone staring at, doesn't even know to which class she has to go.

"Good morning, Sam..." Someone says hesitating to Sam. She turns around and looks right in the eyes of the reason for the end of Freddie and her relationship, Carly.

Sam doesn't know if she should answer or keep quiet. But she decides to say nothing, right now she isn't strong enough for such a conversation. So she closes her locker and wants to go to her class, she'll find out to which room she has to go to.

"Sam..." Carly says and goes over to her.

"Please Sam, I know that you told him you can't hang out with us anymore." Sam just thinks about this song again.

"But you are my best friend, please, don't go. I need you." Tears are falling down Carly's face. Sam is also close to tears but she has to pull herself together.

Everyone is looking at Carly and Sam now. They're longing for scandals and rumors. So they stay at their lockers and stare at Carly who is crying and Sam who walks up the stairs. That makes their always-boring day exciting...

_Cause I'll be fine. See I'm in a hurry to be gone away a while. Tell me all the things that I.__.. I'll be missing here in this old life. Man, I don't know..._

"Sam...?" She doesn't turn around. If she looked Carly in the eyes right now she'd burst out in tears. "You can't break with me!" Carly screams. "I thought our friendship was stronger than any relationship with a boy!"

No, Sam doesn't end it, she just takes a break. That's better. She loves Freddie and Carly. She loves Freddie a lot. He isn't just a guy who came around and won her heart... He's, or was her tech-nerd. So she doesn't break with Carly because of any boy. She takes a break because of Freddie who is in love with Carly! That, she already forgot. She acts as if she just pouts because Freddie broke up with Sam.

But it doesn't make Sam angry... How stupid is that!

"Sam, come back!" But Carly also realizes that Sam won't turn around, now. Their friendship isn't over! Never, it can't be... It's not her fault that Freddie fell in love with her...

"Fine... Then go! Bye, Samantha Puckett!" Carly can also be angry and can pout and ignore people. Because Sam does, she'll do this, too. She wipes away her tears, while Sam turns the corner.

The crowd is still staring and when Freddie comes in, they're just getting more excited.

"Look, there's Freddie." A girl says. Similar sentence come from other students in the crowd.

"Hey Carly." Freddie says quiet. He also didn't sleep well. Breaking up with Sam wasn't easy for him.

Carly doesn't say anything.

"I said Hi..." Carly gives Freddie a angry look.

"And I said you shouldn't break up with Sam! Did you listen to me? Mhhh... I guess not!" Then she turns around.

"Carly..." He shakes his head while his eyes are closed.

"No not 'Carly'! You didn't just break up with Sam! You destroyed everything! Guess what! Sam doesn't want to be my friend anymore and she just ignored me, just because you had to fall in love with me again! You're such a stupid, stupid..." She hits him. "I can't forgive you that, Freddie!" Again a tear falls down her face.

"You destroyed everything..." She goes and leaves Freddie behind. He's standing there just shocked.

"I can't do anything about my feelings for you Carly..." He runs his fingers through his hair and leans against his locker.

They'll be friends again, Sam, Carly and Freddie, won't they?

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Test, Test xD

**Tell me if I should continue or not, that's all :)**

**Oh and 'Gone away' by Safety Suit isn't Sam's favourite song, of course xD I just love it and listened to it while writing it ;)**

**Haha, I'll be happy about every review (even if you tell me I shouldn't continue) ;)**

**At least you took your time and read this weird thing. =D **

**Yep, just Review! **

**See ya! =)**


	2. Chapter 2

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**Hi! :)  
(I wrote something at the end so you have to read the chapter first...) xD**

**I don't own anything!**

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Chapter 2

Freddie still leans against his locker. He hears Carly's words over and over again.

_You destroyed everything! I can't forgive you that Freddie! _

It hurt hearing that from the girl he loves. It really hurt. He knew that breaking up with Sam also means affecting Sam's and Carly's friendship but he never thought that they'd break with each other. Well, they did, just because of him...

The bell rings the first time and some students who were staring till now are leaving. They know nothing special is going to happen anymore. Only 15 or 20 people are still standing there and look at Freddie. Maybe nothing will happen but if something happens they'll be the first who can tell their friends what happened after they left. Anybody would ever pay attention to some students but if they talk about such a thing... Most of them don't even care about Freddie, Carly or Sam. They just want to be the centre of attention.

Freddie opens his eyes and breathes in deeply. He turns around and opens his locker to look right in the blue eyes of Sam who smiles happily with a cupcake in her hand and next to this photograph, there's the iCarly logo. Right away, he shuts his locker.

Who cares if he doesn't have his Biology book?

"Uhm... Freddie, hey." He turns around to make sure to which person he's talking to, it's Wendy.

"Hey..." He says without smiling or waving or whatever he usually does.

"Uhm..." Wendy hesitates. "Is it true that you and Sam aren't a couple anymore?" She looks down and bites her lip.

Freddie sighs and shakes his head. "No.. I broke up with her." It's the first time he says this out loud. Weird... He and Sam don't belong together anymore. 1 and a half year... It's over.

"Oh..." Wendy is corious and wants to ask more than one question. But Freddie looks like every word hurts him. So she pulls herself together.

"Well, I'll see you later. Bye!" She waves and heads to her classroom. And now is Freddie alone at his locker, again.

Again he closes his eyes and sighs before he goes upstairs.

He opens the door to his classroom, only seconds before the lesson starts. Without looking up or paying attention to the others who keep whispering, he sits down on his usual place.

More whispering but he doesn't care. Of course he knows what they're talking about, it's not hard to guess. But he can ignore everything around him. He's lost in his thoughts and so he doesn't notice the girl next to him who's staring at the blackboard without paying attention to the words they're written on.

"Mrs. Puckett? Daydreams? Or what's the reason for staring into space?" Mrs. Briggs asks. The girl next to Freddie looks up and only now he looks at her.

His eyes widen and his heart beats faster. He looks at Sam, she's just a shadow of her former self.

Sam turns to look right in Freddie's brown eyes. For a short moment, maybe 2 or 3 seconds, he holds her gaze. Enough time to see the pain in them. Then she stands up, takes her backpack and runs out of the classroom.

"Samantha!" Mrs. Briggs screams but it doesn't help. Sam already slammed the door behind her.

Freddie breathes in deeply, knowing that's not right he also stands up and follows Sam. He ignores Mrs. Briggs who keeps screaming his name and the students who are not whispering any longer, they talk really loud.

What is Freddie doing right now? Wouldn't it be better if he just left her alone? Freddie's the one who broke up with her and who nodded when she said she doesn't want to hang out with Carly or him anymore. And now he follows her?

When she's in sight he screams her name.

"Sam! Please wait a sec! I need to talk to you." Actually, he doesn't even know what to say. He just can't watch her walk away.

Sam holds on. She doesn't turn around so he can't see her tears who are falling down her face again. She became so weak since she was with Freddie...

"Thank you..." Freddie says. What should he tell her now? He just wants to make her stay, only a few minutes.

A long break he doesn't say anything and Sam also keeps quiet. She didn't talk since yesterday.

When she realizes that he doesn't have something important to say to her, she goes on, heading to her locker. Her backpack is so heavy.

"Wait, Sam!" Freddie says again. Now he knows what to say.

He puts his hand on Sam's shoulder. His touch makes her skin crawl. Frozen they're standing there.

"Sam, please look at me when I'm talking to you." Freddie says to the blonde girl. _If that was so easy... _Sam thinks but she turns around.

"Okay, listen..." He can't stand her vacant expression so he closes his eyes. He wished she wouldn't have turned around.

"I know, you and I broke up and you don't want to hang out with us anymore but please..." Freddie opens his eyes and looks in her blue ones. "Don't ignore Carly, it's killing her and that's killing me." He shakes his head.

Again there's the silence. Sam's just shocked. He followed her just to tell her _that_? But of course, it doesn't seem to bother him that they broke up. He only cares about Carly.

Sam looks down. She gets angry, really angry... She breathes heavily.

Freddie's waiting for an answer. "So could you make up with her? It doesn't have to be now. It's enough if you do this later, when you're ready, okay?"

But she shakes her head. She doesn't know if she should waist her words so she keeps quiet. Also, she doesn't trust her voice.

So she walks away without saying anything to him.

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"Yo, Sammy!" Paul sits down next to Sam. She looks up.

"Why don't you eat your sandwich in the cafeteria with the others?" Sam asks the guitarist.

"Because I can't leave you alone waiting for the next period." He smiles at the blonde who didn't want to go to lunch, the cafeteria is crowded all the time. And Sam isn't in the mood for any annoying question.

"Well, you should've choosed the others. Today I feel horrible." Sam tears up again. Paul notices that.

"This weird Benson broke up with you, right?" She nods while more tears are falling down her face. Paul embraces her and doesn't say anything.

He knows Sam for a long time now. He's kind of her best guy friend. Paul is the one who found out about Sam's awesome voice. And so they became a 'band'. They covered some songs but they've also written songs together and a lot of them are really good. But Sam just sings on some party's of friends while he plays guitar to it.

"Oh gosh, what did this guy to you?" He says softly. "Everything..." Paul isn't surprised about this answer he knows Sam long enough to know that she's very vul. Even if she doesn't show it all the time.

"You know, I ran out of the classroom during the lesson and he followed me! But not because of me, no! Just to tell me I should forgive Carly! Can you believe that? I can't... It's like this whole time we spent together doesn't mean anything to him. I bet he never loved me..." She breathes the last words so that Paul can barely understand her.

"Samantha... I don't want to hear that, okay? He loved you. I know how he looked at you all the time so stop talking crap..." Sam sighs. Suddenly she regrets talking to Paul about this. She should just shut up and go home. And she guess she'll go home now.

"I'll go home now." She stands up and takes her backpack.

"It's not because of me right?" Sam shakes her head and leaves. Right now, she hates every student of this school and just wants to be alone...

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**Thank you for the nice reviews! :)**

**They made my day. :D**

**Well, this chapter is not so special and I don't like it that much but just because of this chapter you get to know Paul. He'll be really important in this story... I know what you think, haha ;) **

**But maybe you're wrong so don't jump to conclusions! :P**

**I don't know what to say so... bye? xD**

**Yep, see ya! :D**

**~SeddiexTwilight~**


	3. Chapter 3

**Since I didn't update in month read the chapter first... I'll rant at the end of the chapter xD**

**Enjoy~**

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**Chapter 3**

"This. is. pure. boredom." Sam says really slow just to waste time. Well, 7 seconds aren't really long, so...

C'mon, it can't be that this weird nub still needs to wash his hair twice because of his crazy mom! Sam's getting more annoyed. Freddie is already in the bathroom for half an hour. He's a boy and boys aren't taking a shower for soooo long.

Not able to take lying on the bed without doing anything anymore, Sam grabs Freddie's laptop and puts it on her lap.

"What the-! He still got the old one?" She says while she's reading that the password isn't correct. Angry Sam writes 'Creddie' when the laptop asks for another try. 'Creddie' is the combination of the names Freddie and Carly... How obsessed and crazy can you be to think of something like that? And even if Freddie said a thousand times that he doesn't have a crush on Carly anymore, Sam always gets jealous because of such little things. It's not that she doesn't trust him or anything but if you know how obsessed he was with her it's sometimes hard to act like you don't care about him putting his arm around her... even if it's obviously just the 'we're friends'-way'. It still bothers you.

But she calms down a little after she sees his background. It's a really cute picture of Sam and Freddie. Sam is sleeping and Freddie has an arm around her. It's the morning after the first night they spent together in one bed. They didn't do anything. They just slept next to each other... It was really comfortable, warm and just an amazing feeling.

Well, the morning after that when she was still sleeping, Freddie took it, so he was just pretending being asleep. But it looks so great. Sam can't help but smile while she keeps staring at it.

"Are you thinking of me or why are you smiling in such a stupid way?" Freddie asks, who just came in.

"I am not smiling I am angry..." Sam says without looking up. Even if this cute picture makes her smile... the password makes her angry he should change it, NOW.

"You were just smiling when I came in, don't lie to me..." He grins and sits down on his bed next to Sam and wants to give her a kiss on the cheek but she punches him.

"You don't get a kiss until you finally change your password." She pushes him away and notices his bare chest. For a short moment Sam forgets about her angriness and just stares at his upper body. _So damn... hot..._

"Take on a shirt or something!" Sam says covering her eyes with her hands. She still can't take this sight.

"Why? You like what you are seeing too much?" He says with a sexy voice and laughs but he's taking on a blue shirt. It's so funny when Sam is blushing and freaking out because she sees him half naked.

"Just shut up, dork. Don't try to change the subject! The only thing you are supposed to change is your password! It's getting annoying to write 'Creddie' all the time." Sam yells, still covering her eyes.

"Calm down, okay? I'm sorry. I just forgot it, I was thinking of something or of someone else, who is much more important to me than a password, all the time..." He says softly and sits down next to her, taking his laptop.

"I am changing it, look." He points at the keyboard. 'New Password: ***********'

"Happy?" Satisfied, Sam is nodding and points at her cheek.

"You can give mamma a little kiss now." But instead of giving her a kiss on the cheek he grabs her hand, so she turns around and then he gives her a short passionate kiss on her lips.

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**Sam's POV**

I'm opening my eyes. I am not in Freddie's room and he didn't kiss me just now...I am just remembering, like always...

Yeah that's right, a whole month passed since Freddie and I, since we...

Whatever a whole month passed and we didn't talk since then. I just couldn't. And I couldn't talk to Carly or any other person either. I just totally ignored them. And now Carly and Freddie are hanging out again. I don't know if they're about to date or something and honestly, knowing it exactly, would kill me. So I am just trying not to think about it.

The only thing I'm doing is drowning in my memories with Freddie and Carly. Everything we've done is like happening again in front of my eyes whenever I close them... And so it's really painful to close my eyes. But I still do it. Not only because I need to close my eyes, it's also because I love it to close my eyes, because I love experiencing everything again, every moment, every emotion, no matter if it's sadness or happiness, I love feeling it like nothing ever changed... And even I know when I'll open my eyes it'll hurt, it'll hurt so bad that it'll take my breath away and even I know I'll cry and I'll never get over it... I just love it.

I am thinking like a psychopath, right? And I'll even sound more like one when I tell that I can feel Freddie holding me tight when I go to bed or that every time I go on I see the old iCarly page in front of me. To be honest, I am living in the past.

And that's why I am going to Gibby's party today. Carly and Freddie will also be there, probably.

It's starting in half an hour and I am already wearing the dress I wore when I saw Carly and Freddie dancing. Maybe it's not a good idea to wear _this _dress but since it's the only dress I have...

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**At Gibby's party **

"Sam, you came? Awesome!" Gibby has a bright smile on his face when he gives Sam a too long hug.

"Yeah, uhm, are Freddie and Carly are here, too?" She asks while Gibby nods understanding.

"They came together but that doesn't mean anything. They're living next to each other so that doesn't really-" Sam smiles when she interrupts Gibby.

"It's okay, I get it. I won't break out in tears if I see them together, you know." She isn't really sure about that but she doesn't want that everybody worries about her. She is just a guest like all the others here. Even if she broke up with some of the other guests because this guest is in love with another guest at this party who was actually the best friend of her. But it's okay.

"I'm strong..." She whispers to herself after Gibby left her alone to greet other people and she just approaches the room where the music comes from. When she opens the door she can hear the song 'Into your arms' by The Maine. Well, at least the music is great...

Everyone is looking at her in surprise, especially Freddie and Carly that are standing next to each other. When she looks at them she's feeling the pain again but before it totally fills her heart she starts to laugh.

"C'mon guys, I am not an alien or something, you can stop staring at me..." She roles her eyes and fakes a smile. The smile on her face is not on the right place, at least that's what Sam is thinking.

"Welcome back, Sam!" Paul is making his way through the crowd so Sam can see him smiling at her. Others are yelling the same and coming over to her, asking her how she's doing and that she's looking great and how awesome it is that she came today.

"I'm totally okay!" She lies over and over and continues to fake the smile.

"That's great. We were worried about you. You didn't talk and always had this sad look on your face. It's just awesome our old Sam is back." Sam laughs.

_If they'd take a closer look they saw her sad eyes..._

"You're sure you want the old Sam back?" Everybody is laughing and joking and a few minutes later Sam is sitting alone on the couch that's standing in a corner.

Sam's watching the others. Almost everyone is talking or dancing with someone. Paul is dancing with a really cute girl and Gibby talks with Tasha. But wait, where's Freddie?

She's looking for him. He isn't dancing and he's not at the table with the whole food and juice on it. He isn't here anymore? Sam's kind of relieved when she can't find him anywhere. If he left, he left alone 'cause Carly is talking with some girls Sam doesn't really know.

"Hey, Sam..." She stops breathing when she's suddenly hearing Freddie's voice next to her. The pain returns.

"Hi." Sam says without looking up while Freddie sits down next to her. What should I do? Let me disappear, please...

"I am sorry, really." Freddie says, so Sam looks up in surprise, right in Freddie's eyes. This serious look, just like when they broke up.

"Why are you apologizing? Everything is alright." Her eyes are getting wet while she's saying this but she keeps herself together.

"I know it's not. I know you're feeling horrible just because of me and when I was so stupid talking about Carly when you were in such a condition. I am really sorry. I don't want you to think that our time didn't mean anything to me. Please don't think that. You were and are still important to me, Sam. But-" Before Sam closes her eyes again so she can drown in her memories, she interrupts him.

"I know, you don't love me anymore, I know that Freddie. That's why we broke up, remember?" Sam's voice is getting lower and Freddie can barely understand her.

"But I want that you, Carly and me can be friends again. Like I said you are important to me and you are a part of my life no matter as girlfriend or friend. Let's just all have a good talk later, okay?" Sam is hesitating but she nods. She also wants to hang out with them but what if they're becoming a couple? Can she act like a friend when they're holding hands and when they're kissing? Well, she nodded so she has to talk to them. And also, she can't hide forever in her room... Even though it would be easier.

"You know what? That's amazing. I'll text you where and when we meet?" Sam nods again.

"Great, great, great. Well, okay then.." Freddie stands up, waves and leaves. She sighs and a little tear falls down her face that she wipes away quickly.

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**Carly's POV **

I should have said no. I just should have said no. Sam suffered enough because of me and now I make her feel more depressed. I am a horrible person. And I am even more horrible because I enjoy it.

I enjoy dancing with him, his hands on my waist, my hands around his neck and 'Meant for me' playing in the background, it just reminds me of the night he and I danced in the Groovy Smoothie. Dancing with him made me forget about the stupid date I had, I don't even know his name anymore... And now I am about to forget Sam sitting on the couch, next to Paul, watching us. I'll just forget everyone around me and keep looking Freddie in his wonderful brown eyes. I will imagine how it feels to kiss him again... Didn't I say I am horrible?

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**Sam's POV **

"You are angry if I tell you that they're kind of looking cu-" I glance at Paul while I try to open the beer bottle I found behind the couch.

"I am sorry. That was stupid and of course you'd be angry." I roll my eyes and stare at Carly and Freddie again. They're totally lost in each others eyes. Gosh, the pain is here again. I bite on my lip, I won't cry now.

"Do you've got a lighter? I want to open this bottle here." Paul is shaking his head. I can't even get drunk! I don't think that I would get drunk because one bottle but maybe it would help a little bit.

"You shouldn't drink a beer now Sam... It doesn't help." I start to laugh while a tear falls down my face.

"Of course it doesn't help me! I know that! Do you really think I am that stupid Paul!" I stand up and don't care about all the people who are staring at me... again.

"Why are you so moody? Could it be that you've got your period?" He says and just when I am about to yell back I realize one thing...

I am getting pale. It can't be... it's impossible... I can't...

"Sam...? I am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you..." He tries to take my hand but I just give him the beer bottle.

"You are right, I shouldn't drink alcohol." And then I leave without taking my jacket.

When I am outside the tears are starting falling down my face.

_It can't be... That's impossible... I can't..._

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**You can't imagine how grateful I am that you still read this story. Thank you! =)**

**So, I want to explain why I didn't upload for so long. Well, first in holidays, I was hanging out with my friends a lot and my family and I were on holiday and then after summer holidays, school started and our great teachers started to go on my nerves again. Yeah, they are going on my nerves with tons of homework & tests and so I am going on their nerves too, if you know what I mean xD **

**You see, I was very busy... I am so sorry! I'll try to update faster.**

**Now I want to ask you something. In the following chapters I want to put some Griffin/Sam love in. Okay, I am not sure if they'll go out or something but I want some Sam/Griffin thing in my story, 'cause I think they'd be great together. When I heard about Sam and Griffin starting to date in iBeat the Heat, I was hoping that Griffin would say "Wanna be my bad girl?" to Sam xD **

**I am stupid . **

**So what I'd like to now is: 1. Do you also want some Sam/Griffin in this story?**

**2. Do you want them to be friends or do you want them to go out.**

**3. If you want them to go out should it be the romantic or the hot way?**

**That's all for now. Please tell me what you think! **

**I loooove you! :-***

**SeddiexTwilight**


	4. Chapter 4

_** Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly! **_

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Chapter 4

Sam's POV

"I need some fresh air." I ignore the worried look on my mother's face and close the apartment door behind me.

Ain't I kind of sick?

_"Hey, Freddie, go dance with Carly, the girl who ruined our relationship. I know it will hurt but, hey, I am used to the pain. So don't worry!"_

This is one thing I think again and again and the other is _"Why were you so stupid and went to this party?"_

Well, I guess the truth is that I wanted to see everyone again, Gibby, Wendy and all the others, I wanted to be myself again, I wanted to try to live in the present again, even though I don't think that would be good for me, because I would have to face reality and the main reason was that I just needed to see Freddie and Carly so badly.

Just because I love them, I love Carly because we've been best friends for so long and I can't be angry at her, she didn't do anything wrong. She just fell in love with someone who loves her back. There's _nothing_ wrong about it.

And also it wasn't wrong to go to this party. My intentions weren't wrong. But I wasn't ready yet. And honestly I wonder if I'll ever be ready. Will this pain go away someday? Will I'll be able to say that I am fine without lying in the future? I can't believe it...

I sit down on bench and wonder if I should close my eyes longer than necessary. Just a short moment, just to remember better times.

Of course I do it, and the pain starts to flow through my whole body.

It's a memory of me, Freddie and Carly. There's no reason to describe it. It's nothing special. It is something that happened tons of times in the past.

We laugh together, make stupid jokes, plan iCarly. Really, just something that became special because now, I can't imagine to be so light-hearted ever again.

I only notice the presence of someone else when this someone says "Hey Sam!". I know this voice. But I just can't find a face that fits to it.

I open my eyes.

"Griffin?"

"Hey Sam!" He sits down next to me and looks into my eyes.

"Why are you crying?" I look at him in surprise.

"Uhm, sorry for disappointing you but I am _not_ crying." Instead of answering he touches my cheek with his thumb and shows me a tear.

"Oh..." I look down and can't help but being ashamed. If I was still the old devious Sam Puckett I could be mean, make jokes about his collection of little pinguins with scarfs, say _"Whatever. I need some meat." _and leave.

Well, my old self wouldn't cry in public so I shouldn't try...

"But maybe I am wrong. Maybe it's raining and I didn't notice. Who knows?" For some reason I am really grateful that he doesn't ask again.

"So how are you doing? It's been a while since we saw each other. Kind of sad isn't it?" He smiles at me and it's not one of this This-poor-girl-smiles I saw a lot in the past month, especially at Gibby's party tonight. That's why I smile back. It's not a bright smile but it's the most honest smile, I smiled in the last time.

"Mhm, maybe it really is." But there was no reason to see him, he and Carly broke up a long time ago, why should I talk to him? And also, I must be honest, I forgot about him. There were more important things to think about. But right now I really think it's sad, we could have become really good friends.

"And how are you?" He asks again. Just seconds ago he saw me crying and now he's asking me how am I doing? He really wants to ignore this tear.

"I think I am fine." Okay, I freaked out and made everyone think that I am a mess, which may be true, but nobody needs to know that, and then I left the party where I was suspossed to find myself again and have fun and just lie to everyone that I am fine, everything is okay, really...

Gosh, there's something so wrong with me. But I already knew that. I shouldn't be surprised anymore.

"That's great. I am fine, too. Uhm, how's Carly doing and Freddie?" That's why he talks to me? Only to find out how Carly is doing? Yeah, we could have become great friends...

"I guess she and Freddie hate themselves right now, just because they danced _because_ I told them to and because I freaked out and broke out in tears just because they danced." He doesn't look shocked, well, that's not what I wanted. But I also didn't want him to think that I was weak, even though he saw me crying. I should start to think before I talk.

"Too honest, right? I am sorry, I am just, I don't know..." I shake my head. What happened to me?

"No, it's okay." He looks at me. "Oh Seattle, it's raining again." He wipes away a tear that falls down my face, which is totally senseless because there comes another one, and another one...

"Stupid Seattle." I sob while I try to stop crying, but it just doesn't work.

I keep crying and Griffin doesn't say anything. Another reason why I am really grateful.

After a while he starts to put his arm around me and I rest my head on his shoulder.

And then I start to remember who he is and who _I _am. I pull away, wipe away my tears and stand up.

"Bye Sam!" He says while I turn around and leave without saying a word.

* * *

I open the door of my apartment. I feel horrible. I just cried in front of someone I barely know. But, somehow, it wasn't awkward to cry in front of him. Okay, I feel ashamed right now, but when I rested my head on his shoulder, I felt like I didn't have to pretend...

Gaaawd, I am sick of me.

"Mom, I am back!" Slowly, I open the door of the kitchen door. You can never know what my mother is doing behind closed doors.

"Do you feel better?" She is just sitting on a chair with bacon in her hands.

"I met Griffin and we talked." And then I left and didn't say anything.

"Griffin? Isn't he Carly's ex-boyfriend?" I nod and lean against the freezer.

"So do you feel better?" She looks at me and puts another piece of bacon in her mouth.

"Just a little. I still feel horrible but at least not worse. That's good right?" I sigh, it's really great that my mom cares about me now. I am still not used to it but it's good talking to her like this.

"Yeah but you should go in your room right now." I raise my eyebrows.

"Why?"

"Just go." Sometimes she's the old one, but that's okay.

"Fine."

Did she tidy up my room? No, probably not. Maybe she threw Freddie's stuff away...

My eyes widen. She can't... That's impossible. I know I should've thrown it away already but I can't. When you live in the past you don't throw old stuff away, especially if it means the everything to you.

I almost run into my room and pray that Freddie's stuff is still there.

Thanks god, it is still in my room.

But not only Freddie's pictures are still there, he is on my bed and Carly's is next to him, holding my pregnancy test in her hands...

"Surprise." She says with a sad smile on her face and tears in her eyes.

"Uhm, hey." I am not able to say more. There are tons of memories that come to my mind when I see them sitting on my bed.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Freddie says and you can totally hear that he's hurt. It breaks my heart.

"What should I tell you?" It's a whisper but it still sounds way too loud. I thought I would be more happy the next time I see them. But right now I wished that I could just run away.

"What should you tell us?" Now Carly is talking and she sounds almost more hurt than Freddie and she starts to cry while she points at the test.

"I am not pregnant, so what should I tell you?" I should have thrown it away. But why did they come? They couldn't have known about the test until they were in my room so they had another reason to come.

"That you thought you were? What if we didn't find this and you were pregnant? You wouldn't tell me, right?" Freddie has this serious look on his face again.

"But I am not so we don't have to care about that." I am not ready to talk to them. It's too early. Can't they just leave? I want to be alone. I want to sleep and drown myself in memories. Don't make me face reality, please.

"Sam, don't you see what became of our friendship?" Of course I do but that doesn't help.

"We've been friends for so long and now? I don't want that Sam, I want our old times back. And I want that we just start fresh again. This is not supposed to destroy our friendship, please." The tears just stream down Carly's face and I can't help but feel sorry for her.

"Please." I still want them to leave but I can't do that. That would be horrible.

I sit down on a chair.

"Fine, let's talk." I try not to look into Freddie's or Carly's eyes so I just look on my feet.

"I totally understand that this is a stupid situation. But we should try to deal with this, okay? I love you Sam, you're important to me, you've always been. And it's so weird that I come home and you're not lying on my couch or that our fridge is always full. It's horrible that there's no iCarly anymore that there's no one that comforts me when I am upset about something... I need you Sam. I didn't know that I need you that much but now that you're not spending most of the time with me, I realize how much you mean to me. So please, I need you back."

Now Carly isn't the only one who is crying. A tear is falling down my face, too.

I miss her. But I know even though I would hug her right now and tell her that I miss her too, it wouldn't be the same and I would need to pretend that I just forgot everything. And if she and Freddie started to date, which will happen soon, I would have to act like I was happy for them. I would need to pretend like I was fine all the time, even though it kills me to see them together. Pain would be my constant companion.

But I could spend time with the two most important persons in my life.

"You know that we still need some time still everything is like before again, right?" _If it will ever be like before again... _I don't say it.

I see the hope in Carly's eyes while she nods. So I just stand up and hug her. I just forget about my doubts and hold her tight.

"I need you, too Carls." Freddie smiles at me and I close my eyes so I don't have to see his face. Maybe I can make up with Carly but to pretend I could be Freddie's friend will be much harder.

But as long as I am close to them...

* * *

**See, she isn't pregnant. Did you really think that? **

**I don't know if the last part is that good but I just needed them to make up, because in the next chapter... You have to wait until I update, sorry. :) **

**But don't worry, I can't wait to write the next chapter, I have so many ideas in my head...**

**And I will make the Creddiers happy in the next chapter and also the Siffin people (At least I think that). **

**By the way, sorry, this chapter was really short :(  
**

**Whatever, review and wait for the next chapter! :D  
**

**~SeddiexTwilight  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello people!**

**Don't you want a new iCarly episode, too? I hope iHire an Idiot airs soon. I just need a new episode.  
I mean the last one was in November. NOVEMBER!**

Okay, enjoy this chapter. xD 

**It's sad but…**

_**I don't own iCarly.**_

_**

* * *

**_

Chapter 5

Sam's POV

It passed a whole week since Carly, Freddie and I made up. For me it was much easier to ignore them and 'play' the depressed, broken-hearted girl.

But now, I have to act like we're all fine, and honestly, this is so fu-, really hard.

And I don't even know why. Okay I know why, but what I mean is, how can it be so hard to hang out with my two best friends (except Paul)?

Before everything happened I was at Carly's like every day, now I just keep faking smiles and forcing laughter and hoping that Carly doesn't say something like "Hey, why don't you come over? We've got bacon!"

And when I am at home, I sigh, close my eyes, breathe in deep, and enjoy the silence. It's sad, isn't it?

"Sam, I asked you something." Suddenly Carly's face is right in front of me, okay, it was probably there all the time I was just lost in my own thoughts.

"Bet she was thinking about fried chicken or bacon." And again it's just annoying how they pretend like in the past nothing happened.

Okay, I don't want that they treat me like I'll kill myself when I get the chance to, but acting like nothing has changed, I so wished nothing had changed, can't be good either.

And if fried chicken and bacon is a code for the pain, that just won't stop grabbing my heart every time I see them looking at each other, when they think I don't notice and the tears I try to hold back all day and just let them stream down my face when I am finally at home… Yes, I was thinking of fried chicken and bacon.

"Sorry, but you know, fried chicken is just a great thing to think about." I laugh, there's no need to say that it's not real, and act like nothing ever changed. I am not better than them.

"So do you want to watch Galaxy Wars with me and Freddie?" Why does it sound like they're couple who are just asking me so I don't feel left out? Maybe it sounds like this because they want to be a couple in a few months or weeks or days. Okay stop thinking about this Sam.

I'll just say something like.

"You know, I-" But I can't finish my sentence.

_Griffin_ is coming over to us. He is not going to this school but he is here. _Why?_

"Griffin, we broke up a long time ago, so don't-" While she says this she looks at the worried looking Freddie, like 'Don't worry, you're the one I want to be with'.

Hey pain, what's up?

"Hey, you look pretty hot, so I guess you didn't forget that we wanted to hang out today." Okay, first, is he serious about this hot-thing? And second, I never planned to do something with him. We didn't see each other since I cried in his arms. I blush, that was so embarrassing.

Carly and Freddie look shocked. Yeah, how could a smoking hot guy talk to me, the mess with blond hair?

And just because of these glances and because I want to find out what Griffin is doing here, I decide to play along.

"Thank you Griff for lying to me. And no, this time I didn't forget it, since you sent me a text today." 'Griff', I smile, I bet this bugs him.

Then, suddenly, I see Paul coming over, too. He doesn't seem to be surprised about seeing Griffin. Actually he grins and waves.

"Hey, what's up?" He hugs me, gives Freddie and Carly an angry look, like he always does since Freddie broke up with me. Yeah, he kind of hates them now. I tried to talk to him, but… I don't know.

"Griffin, I didn't expect to see you here!" Oh my god. He gives Griffin a short hug. Okay, if I look surprised right now, Carly will know something's wrong. Pull yourself together Sam, keep your mouth closed.

"I wished we could talk but I don't have the time to right now, bye!" And as fast as Paul appeared, he disappears now. What the?

"We should also leave now, okay, are you ready?" I nod and close my locker. If he doesn't explain me everything right now…

"Bye, Carly! Bye Freddie!" I wave while Griffin and I go outside.

And so I leave Carly, Freddie and the others who seem to be really interested in Griffin behind me.

"Okay, let's go to your apartment." I didn't think I could get more confused. Well, I was wrong.

I still don't ask. Don't ask me why.

"Fine, whatever." I bet it's something really important, something you just can't say in public. So probably he'll just explain everything when we're in my room.

Until we go upstairs to open the door to my apartment we keep quiet.

Just when I see my mom in the kitchen I hear my voice again.

"Hey mother." I go to her and give her a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey daughter and boy I don't know! Who is this boy and what is he doing here?" She says looking at Griffin. I want to answer but Griffin does instead.

"Hello Mrs. Puckett. I am Griffin a good friend of your daughter, or at least I want to be." He smiles at me and it makes me feel warm inside. What the? (One more time)

"Oh Griffin, right, you're Carly's ex-boyfriend?" Thank you mom, it's so great how you can communicate.

"Yeah. But that's the past. I don't really care about her anymore." I can totally understand him. She just made fun of Peter the penguin. But I did too, so why does he want to hang out with me? I won't get an answer so I just should stop thinking about that.

"Whatever, just have fun, okay?" My mother smiles and so I just grab Griffin's hand and go into my room.

"It was nice to meet you Mrs. Puckett." And then we are in my room.

"We knew it." Griffin says while he sits down on my bed and looks at my desk, my shelves, my lamp and all the other stuff in my room. I don't know who 'we' is or what they 'knew'.

"Okay, Griffin, I do really like to hang out with you but could you please just explain me what you want?" It's not a lie; I really like it when he's around me. But I think it would be even more fun if he just tells me everything… Even though I don't know what 'everything' could be.

"Yeah I did not tell you about that, right?" I shake my head. I guess you just forgot it…

"Well, it's just… I don't want to hurt you or something but, honestly, you're still not over Freddie and you aren't Carly's best friend and you're not happy." I gulp. Nobody ever said something similar to me. I guess because I was acting really well. But he sees me just once and knows this?

"I am Carly's best friend. How can you dare to say I am not?" Of course I am her best friend. We always were. Maybe right now it is a hard time for both of us and everything but I still love her.

"Yeah of course, I bet she knows about this." He points at my shelf. Tons of photographs of me and Freddie are standing there and a little card with 'I love you' written on it.

"There's nothing to know about. Also she already was in my room. Last week. And she wasn't shocked and did say stuff like 'We knew it.'" I imitate Griffin and just don't say that she was more shocked because of the pregnancy test and that she had better things to do than look at the old photographs of me and Freddie.

"Of course she did not." Why is he acting like he knows everything. He really starts to go on my nerves. He should just leave me alone and stop to find out things I don't want him to know about.

"It's much easier to ignore everything. Your sad eyes, your fake smiles, and your lies about being over Freddie and the fact you don't like to hang out with them. She just ignores this to feel better, don't you get it?" No I do not. Carly isn't such a person. She doesn't only care about herself. She always thinks about others.

But what Griffin says totally makes sense…

"And if you hung out with others, had a new boyfriend or just start to sing again they wouldn't lie to you all the time." Lie? About what?

"What do you mean by that?" I still ask even though I already know the answer. Why should I want to face the truth? Why should I want this when it just hurts me? Why?

"Sam." He looks me straight in my eyes that start to fill with tears and comes closer. "When they came out of your house after you talked to me…" He puts his hand on my shoulders.

"Freddie kissed Carly..." Before I can do anything about it a picture comes to my mind. I see Freddie pressing his lips against Carly who tries to fight it. But her feelings for him are stronger, so she just gives in and kisses back. He holds her face in his hands and kisses her softly. Just what they both wanted for a long time.

"So? I don't care. I already told you that I am over Freddie. I am really happy for them." I lie while the scene in my head plays over and over again. And every time my brain hits the replay button it's getting more unbearable.

"You don't? You're not as good at lying as you think you are." He lets go of my shoulder and takes one of the photographs. It's not one of my favorites but it's still an important memory for me.

"What do you want with that?" My voice sounds a little bit scared.

"I just want to show you something." After he says this he chucks it on the ground.

I can't do anything about it. The shattered glass of the frame lies on the floor and I knee next to the shards.

"What are you doing? You can't just break it." I take the photograph trying to hold on to the hope that Freddie and I will get back together someday. But right now the reality seems to kill me.

"So you don't care?" I feel horrible. Of course I care. If I didn't this stuff wouldn't still stand there. But I don't want _anybody_ to know that I do.

I stand up, press the photograph against my stomach and start to yell at him.

"Just leave me alone, okay? You shouldn't care about me and I don't want you to. Don't you get it? It's nice that you want to help me but I don't need your help or the help of anyone else because I am fine, you know. Maybe I am not over Freddie and maybe they did kiss and maybe this hurts like hell and maybe I pretend a lot but you know what? I chose to do this; it's my decision, my life so just stay away from me, okay?" I start to shake. Griffin doesn't look like he will leave. But I want him to. I don't want him to see me cry again.

"I won't leave, Sam. I won't let you throw yourself away. I won't leave until you smile again. That's the only reason why I am here. I want to see you an honest, bright smile on your face. So you'll have to deal with me." I sigh and shake my head. Smile? An honest and bright smile on my face? Are you kidding? I am a mess.

Then I feel Griffin's arms around me. And again I start to cry but this time it is worse. Freddie and Carly kissed and didn't tell me because they don't think I can take it.

And I can't. I am not strong enough. I am weak and vulnerable…

But I have to. If I am not they won't stay my friends. And I want them to be my best friends. I want them to be around me.

"Just think about yourself right now. If you try too hard it'll just get worse and you'll break down." It can't be worse. I am sure it can't get worse.

My two best friends can't tell me that they're in love, I can't let go of the past and I just cry in the arms of someone I barely know.

It can not get worse. But that means that it just can get better, right?

It is not easy to believe that but in Griffin arms, for some reason, I dare to hope that it'll get better.

Even though I still don't know how…

* * *

**There's still no Seddie in this story, stupid me.  
But the next chapter will be I guess, three months after this happened and a part of it will be in Freddie's POV.  
Sooo, except Seddie the next time I update! YAY! xD**

**But don't except that he is like 'OMG! I still love her!" or something like that, it would be unrealistic.  
Just be patient Seddiers and enjoy some Siffin and Creddie until… **

**Whatever, I don't want to say too much. **

**Just review and tell me what you think of this chapter, okay? :)  
Good. :D**

**I love you! Bye!**

**~SeddiexTwilight~**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello!  
I don't want to talk too much but did you see what Dan Schneider 'said' to this one girl that was asking if there will be a Seddie episode soon?**

'Just wait :) :) :)'

**_Disclaimer: I don't own anything._**

**_

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Chapter 6

Freddie's POV

"So what are you guys doing this weekend?" Griffin asks Carly and me. There's no need to ask Sam. Of course she's going to hang out with him. They'll go to the Groovy Smoothie, talk for hours, laugh together and after that they'll go watch a DVD.

After three months I got used to it. I got used to the fact that Griffin shows up here right after Sam finishes class, that they hug say hello, that Griffin greets Carly and me who are standing next to each other, that he asks what our plans for the weekend are and that after we told him they leave. Every Friday.

But it doesn't bother me.

Actually I think Griffin is good for her. Every time she sees him her eyes start to shine, her wonderful smile shows and her cheeks flush a bit more.

It's not that she is in love with him or something. He is just her rock. He makes her feel good.

That's why I like him. He makes her happy.

And she needs some happiness after what I have done to her. She just deserves it.

"I haven't seen grandpa in a while. That's why I'll visit him this weekend." Carly says with a beautiful smile on her face. It's never getting awkward when she and Griffin are talking. Actually, when we're four are together there's never such a thing like awkwardness. Not that we, Griffin, Carly and I, are best friends. We just can deal with each other. And since we see him often it's a good thing.

"It's going to be a fun weekend in _Yakima_, right Carls?" Sam smirks.

"Yes Sam. It'll be awesome." Carly says ignoring in what disgusted way the blond girl said Yakima.

They keep talking a little bit about Yakima and making fun of this town before Sam and Griffin are leaving.

After that Carly is making a step towards me.

"Wanna take me home my prince?" She smiles while she looks in my eyes.

"Sure, Carls." Yeah, 'Carls' probably wanted me to call her my princess… But I can't. It's still a thing between me and Sam. I mean, I always called her Princess Puckett. So that's something Carly won't hear from me, not now and not in the future. Sorry.

"Way to ruin the moment." At first she looks a little bit disappointed but then she smirks.

"Let's go home… downer." And so she grabs my hands and we leave the school.

* * *

When I am at home and take a sip of the coffee my made I can't believe how happy I am.

Even though tons of magazines say that you and your ex-girlfriend can't be friends, Sam's my _best_ friend.

Even though Gibby said that I'd hurt Sam, I am dating Carly now. And Sam isn't sad about it at all.

And even though I had my doubts, too… we're all cool.

My life is just amazing and perfect.

"Thank you!" I say smiling and forget that I am not alone in the room.

"For what Fredward?" My poor, confused mother asks.

"Nothing, I was just thanking to whoever was so nice to me and gave me this wonderful life." My mom, even more confused, seems to get angry. Who knows what she's thinking.

"And…" I smile at her. "for this wonderful mother." Yeah, I know. But I just have to change the subject.

"Oh my little Fredward." She isn't angry anymore. But now I have another problem. She just wants to hug me and if you let Marissa Benson hug you… you don't know if she'll ever let you go again.

But before she can squeeze me to death someone is knocking on the door.

Maybe it's Carly. Just to be sure I stand up before my mother does and opens the door.

"Hey Ca-" Before I can say anything she grabs my collar, shuts the door and pushes me against the wall.

And then she kisses me.

Actually we're kissing a lot… Not that I don't like it.

"Hey Carly." I am out of breath when she lets go of me.

"Hey." She smiles at me and looks at my lips again. But this time I start to talk before she can start again. I really like kissing her but sometimes…

"That was a surprise attack." She grins.

"Yeah, I was pretty surprised." Sometimes you can just shake your head and laugh.

"So, I thought you were in Yakima." I look at my watch. Yeah, she is so supposed to be there right now.

"Do you think I'd leave without saying goodbye?" Carly asks acting like she can't believe that I could actually think something like that.

"That's a goodbye? Wow."

"Yep it is." She giggles and points at me like she's drunk. So I decide just to say what I think.

"Are you drunk?" Actually, she didn't taste like she drank something. But you never know.

"I am drunk with you." She's biting her lower lip while I can just smile like an idiot.

"Yeah?" Then, while I keep smiling, she puts her arms around my neck and I pull her closer to me. I don't want to kiss her but being close to her is great.

"Freddie? I think you should come in now. Don't you think Carly wants to leave now?" I let go of my girlfriend and look right in my mom's eyes.

Pure hatred.

"Hi Mrs. Benson!" Carly says friendly and waves. But we both know that this is useless. My mother does and will always hate Carly Shay. It's still because of this whole accident but since she knows that the reason I broke up with Sam is Carly… Whatever.

"Freddie? Would you come in now? The TV isn't working. I think you should fix it." It's her 'I-don't-like-her-so-come-in-or-it's-gonna-get-ugly'-voice.

Carly hears that too so she just gives me a little kiss on the cheek before she goes back to her apartment.

"That wasn't necessary."

"What?"

"You know exactly what I mean."

* * *

Okay, I don't know why I am doing this. And honestly, I don't even want to know.

Maybe I just wanted to talk to her and spend some time with her because that's something we've rarely done in the last time. Or maybe it just happened out of boredom that I took my jacket and went to Sam's house just to do another 'Wake Up Spencer' video.

However I am here right now and I want to talk to Sam. It'd be the first time that we were alone together but I think that is no problem. And since iCarly is almost dead I think it'd be good to do something like this.

I go upstairs. Man, brings back memories.

Really, how often I came here just to see her. A thousand times? I don't think that's enough. And how often have I knocked on this door just to see her face. Weird that it's been such a long time that I came here on my own…

Just when I am about to knock on the door I realize that the door isn't even closed. A burglar?

I step inside without thinking about it. The apartment seems just fine. It doesn't look like someone stole anything. So I close the door behind me and keep going and before I realize it I am in front of Sam's door that isn't closed either. I can look through a crack in the door.

And honestly, I know I should just go in but when I hear her singing I just can't move anymore. Does that sound stupid? I bet it does.

But it's just, her voice, I love her voice. And there's something about Sam's voice. Every time I hear it, it makes my skin crawl and I hold my breath because I am scared that I could destroy the magic moment.

So I just keep watching her face I can barely see through the crack in the door. But it's enough to see her sad eyes. At first it's more like she's talking but then she closes her eyes and sings. Her voice sounds so sorrowful that my heart almost breaks.

"_Till I look at your pictures_

_And run out of tears_

_And you're not all I'm thinking about"_

Without making a sound a lean against the wall and keep listening.

"_Till I don't turn around_

_Hold my breath for the sound_

_Of you saying my name out loud"_

I sit down, still leaning against the wall, and close my eyes. It's not hard to guess what the song is about and I don't even try to pretend like it's about anything but our break up and me… and pain.

After a while I open my eyes and look at her. A tear rolls down her face and she's just humming a sad melody now.

But it's enough to make me feel horrible. And it's enough to make me realize that I am blind and stupid.

After the long time I know Sam I wasn't able to get that she's not over me? That it hurt her seeing me and Carly dating? That it's harder for her to be my best friend than anything else? That I keep running around like an idiot, hurting her without even noticing it? I need a damn song just to know that the person I loved suffers all along?

Even though I am so close to her, I couldn't be more far away from her…

But it's time, time to take off the rose-colored glasses and face reality.

I need to talk to her. I want to comfort her, apologize to her and just be there for her like I was supposed to all along.

So I stand up, trying to make no sound, and I am just about to open the door when I hear someone talking. It's not Sam.

It's Griffin.

"This song is beautiful." He's whispering.

"It's sad, I don't like it." Sam.

"You know, I think I want to punch this Benson. What he's done to you it's-" I'd deserve that. Someone should just hit me and make me feel the pain Sam felt and still feels because of me. It wouldn't be enough.

"It's not his fault. Carly is a great girl. Of course he falls in love with her. And he always loved her. From the first moment he saw her. It's actually really romantic." She cuts him off. How can the person who is supposed to hate me, who has the right to hate me be like that? I wished she'd call me an asshole. I wished she'd say that I was not worth it, that I don't deserve her.

She doesn't. It just makes me feel more horrible.

"Romantic? Of course. Sam, I really try to understand you so-" Sam does something I didn't expect her to do. She kisses him. He seems to be surprised so I guess it's their first kiss. But Griffin seems to be more into it than Sam because she's opening her eyes after a short time. Something you really don't do.

Only now I feel like a stalker, sitting here and watching people kissing. I should leave.

But then she looks me right in my eyes.

* * *

Sam's POV

I just wanted him to shut up. It's wrong. But I knew he'd like it. Actually he wanted to do it all along. But he never had the heart to kiss me. Maybe because he thought I would reject him.

And if he was a normal boy I would have. But he isn't. He's just so wonderful. He is always there for me. And there's so much he gave me comfort, strength, love and hope.

I owe him something. And if it's a little kiss I'll give it to him. I don't love him in that way but after all I will do anything just to give him something back.

He's enjoying it. And it's not bad for me either. But it just feels wrong to have his lips on mine. They're soft and he is a good kisser but…

He isn't Freddie.

I open my eyes. He'll never be Freddie. And god, I don't want him to be. But no matter what happens I'll never love him the way he loves me. I'll never love him the way I love Freddie.

Sam Puckett? You're stupid and the worst person in the whole world.

The perfect guy is kissing you and you're sitting here and thinking about Freddie who is…looking at me?

Yeah, let's freak out a little. Freddie is in your apartment and plays stalker. Get over it Sam, he's at home and waits for Carly to come home.

But when the brown eyes behind my door are realizing that I am looking at them they widen. There's no way he'd be here. But he is.

I have a lot of fantasy but there's no way that I imagine Freddie running away.

I push Griffin away.

"I am sorry." He mumbles and blushes. It's the first time I see him blush. But I have no time to think about it. I stand up and run after Freddie.

Griffin calls my name but I just ignore it. Thank god, I have my shoes on.

The apartment door isn't closed and when I shut it behind me I see Freddie running down the stairs.

What the hell is he doing here?

I scream his name. Of course he doesn't stop.

"Freddie!" I yell again. Now I am outside and I still see him.

Hasn't he always been a slow runner? I get faster while I keep screaming his name.

And then finally I grab his arm and make him stop. We're out of breath and far away from my house but I got him.

"What were you doing in my apartment?" I breathe in deep. That was exhausting.

"I wanted to ask you something but then the door was open and I came in and I didn't mean to stay there silent but then I heard you singing…" He looks at me and isn't talking as fast anymore. "I am just so sorry."

Yeah, I guess he doesn't mean that I-broke-in-your-house-thing.

He heard the song. I didn't mean to sing but the melody was in my head for so long and tonight I just had the words in my mind that fit so I started to sing.

That's the way I express my feelings. But Freddie is the last person who should hear my feelings. After all I wanted to hide my feelings from him. It would just make everything complicated.

"Sam." It makes everything complicated.

"I am really sorry and I know it doesn't help you right now but I feel bad."

"You don't have to. It's okay." I look at my feet. Could it get more awkward?

"I do have to Sam." He looks in my eyes. "I was not able to make you happy like I was supposed to. I broke up with you. I left you alone for a whole month. I started to date our best friend after I was stupid enough to think that you're fine. I kept thinking that you handle everything very well. I even thought we could do another 'Wake Up Spencer' as friends tonight. I kept hurting you all over and over again. I didn't see you suffer even though I should know you better than anyone else. I needed you and your song to open me my eyes. I have to feel bad, Sam and I do. Because I left you alone."

I gulp. He's so angry at himself. He should not be. It's not his fault.

"Freddie. Stop that." I shake my head. After all it's senseless. It all happened and he might be right about few things but it's not worth it. It's just not worth it.

"And I need such an incident to show me…" He makes a step towards me. God, what does he want to do?

"That I need this." He puts his arms around me and presses my body closer to his.

I can't help but stand there all shocked not able to move.

"I need you being close to me, Sam." He kisses my hair. What is that supposed to mean?

I decide that it doesn't matter and just rest my head on his shoulder. And being the weak Sam a tear falls down my face. I hope he doesn't notice.

"And I want you to be honest to me and tell me the truth. I want to be there for you but you need to let me." The truth? The three bad words are jumping on my tongue and they are waiting to get out. But I keep it in. If told him that I love him he would shove me away and tell me that he is in love with Carly and that we're just friends.

And I don't want any reality right now. Let's just pretend that my prince is holding me, his princess, right now and that there's no other princess waiting for him. And that there's no other prince sitting in my castle. The white horse is a little bit too late but that doesn't matter…

"Sam?"

"Mh?"

"Aren't you cold?"

"Not anymore."

* * *

Griffin's POV

I switch the light off and close the door behind me.

She kissed me. It was great just like I expected it to be. And it could have been perfect but he…

Freddie Benson. When I heard Sam yelling his name I stopped going after her.

Of course when Freddie is here nothing is more important.

It's so stupid that I still get angry because of that.

He'll always be number one.

I can't change that.

But let's see if I can't be the best number two…

* * *

**Finished! :D **

**I really hope you enjoyed this. **

**About Sam's song... I wished I was talented enough to think of something like this but honestly, it's a part of the song "Better" by Jennette McCurdy. I just heard that song and fell in love with it. So yeah.**

**And also this whole Sam/Freddie part... It's kind of weird, isn't it? I had this scene in my had from the very beginning but now it turned out in a very different way. Hope you still like it. **

**Also sorry if my Creddie parts aren't that good. It's just so weird to write something you don't really want. xD**

**Yeah, what else? Oh, when I do the next chapter the way I planned you'll hear from Mrs. Benson again. I hope you can deal with the fact that she's a Seddie shipper. (You just have to)**

**Okay, now I'll go to sleep and hope that you guys review. (Thank you for the last reviews! I was so happy!)**

**Oh, one last thing. **

**Remember the fudge! xD (Yeah, I loved that.)**

**BYE! :)**

**~SeddiexTwilight~  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**I ****wrote the first version of this chapter on Sunday but I didn't like it. That's why I wanted to try again which didn't work because my laptop went off every time I opened Microsoft Word. I freaked out and got it fixed but then I was tired so I update today and not on Sunday. xD**

**Of course you don't care about that but the more important things are at the end of this chapter. :D**

_Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly_

_

* * *

_  
Chapter 7

"It's always about Freddie!" Griffin yells at me, "It's always about him! You are so obsessed with him it's not even normal anymore!"

"I told you that we wouldn't work." I am calm. I don't care if he screams. Let him scream.

"But you know why it doesn't work? It's because you don't want it to! You're just obsessed with the thought that Freddie is the only one for you! You never tried! You never tried in these 3 months, not once!"

"It wouldn't matter if I tried. I don't love you!"

I turn around. I don't want to see his face. I don't want to hear him anymore. I don't want him to blame me for something that's not my fault. From the very beginning I said I would hurt him, that we can't be a couple. Three months we were going out, I didn't fall in love with him. I tried, even though he thinks I didn't. I was always trying to feel something for him. But it didn't work. And now I won't only lose our relationship, I'll lose him and that's what I was scared of all the time.

"Don't run away, Sam! Say something! Sam!" He yells.

"Sam!" He wants me to turn around. He doesn't want to lose me. But that's what we get when we try to force something.

"If you don't turn around right now-", his voice breaks. I can imagine how he starts to cry. I don't want to know. I don't turn around.

Now it's silent. He won't run after me. That's not something Griffin would do. And I don't want him to but a part of me wants him to come after me. It's the same part that made me his girlfriend. This stupid little part of me… I don't want this part.

When I am sure that he can't see me I break down. I am not able to stand anymore. And right in this moment it starts to rain. Of course it does rain like in one of those stupid movies. I wished this was a movie. But I would probably hate me. I would yell at the TV, _"What is she doing? Turn around! Apologize! You little, selfish-"_

And I would be right. I am the most selfish person earth. From the very beginning I wanted Griffin as a good friend who is always there for me whenever I need him. And when he fell in love with me I wanted him to stay this good friend even though that wasn't possible. It really wasn't possible. Then when we started to go out and I didn't start to be his girlfriend because of him, to make him happy I thought Freddie would get over the thought that he always hurts me. It worked, somehow. But I still treated Griffin like this good friend I still wanted him to be. Even though I waited for that warm, fuzzy feeling inside when he kissed me… I never seriously tried. He was always Griffin. I couldn't look at him like he was a lover.

We couldn't work. He wanted us as a couple and I wanted us as close friends.

That's why everything broke down today…

* * *

I stand up. Kneeling on the sidewalk won't help it. It's still raining maybe that's why I'm one of the 3 or 4 people who are outside. And they're smarter than me, they've got an umbrella. But I don't have a problem with that. I always loved the rain. Its smell is amazing and I calm down.

But today the rain just won't help. I feel horrible. The picture of the crying Griffin comes to my mind and I can't help but feel sorry for him. What is he doing right now? I hope he's angry at me. I hope he hates me. That would make everything so much easier. But the reality, I guess he suffers. Nobody should suffer because of me. I am horrible. Nobody should a horrible person like me.

Let's hate ourselves a little longer. That will make it better.

God, I need to yell at someone. Is there a mirror so I can yell at myself? Anywhere? No? Well, then I need to yell at someone else.

Okay, I'll do it that way. The first person that comes to my mind will be the person I will yell at. It's not hard to guess who the victim is.

And after all he really is the one to blame. He stole my heart, broke it and keeps it because he doesn't want me to be able to give it to someone else. Okay, 'only' stole and broke it the rest was something he wouldn't do. But let's just pretend he is the bad guy.

Let's pretend I hate him and this time not in the 'I hate you means I love you'-way.

After I told myself a thousand times that it's all Freddie's fault and I actually got a little bit mad at him, I finally arrived at his door.

I knock in an angry way. I don't have an idea what I am going to tell him but I will come up with something when I see his face.

But instead of him his mother opens the door, she looks worried.

"Hello Sam.", she smiles at me. Yeah for some reason she seems to like me.

"Is Freddie there? I need to talk to him." When I mention his name her smile disappears from her face.

"Did Freddie text you? Maybe he needs a friend that comforts him now and not his mother." She sighs. And my fake anger is fast replaced by worry.

"Yeah, he did." I lie. And soon she steps aside and lets me inside.

But before I can head to his room she puts her hand on my shoulder.

"I am glad that _you_ are here Sam." I smile back, nod and go into Freddie's room.

* * *

When I see Freddie I hate myself for blaming him for anything, even though I wasn't serious about it.

He sits on his bed, looks at his hands and just looks horrible. He doesn't even notice me until I say his name.

"What's wrong?" That's my comfort-voice; it comes automatically when I am worried or try to comfort someone, that's why 'comfort'… Whatever.

"It doesn't matter." He doesn't even look at me. It's been a while since I've seen him so sad and depressed. So I just sit down next to him.

"It does. Tell me, please." Then after minutes he sighs and answers.

"It's because, today, I saw-" Every word is like a knife that stabs him every time he says a word, that's what he looks like.

"Carly kissed another guy, okay." Okay? That's like not okay. But now there's a person I can yell at. Nice job Carly. _You and boys that's something that doesn't work, right?_ I'll tell her that.

"Oh my god, that's horrible." No it's not just horrible; it's the worst thing you can do as a girl.

"Isn't it?" He shouldn't sound that bitter. But right now I can't make anything better. I know that. No matter how often I say, 'It's gonna be fine.' These words won't help or even reach him. So the best I can do is just hug him, pat his head and stay silent. That's exactly what I will do.

Carly, that's not what I expected. How can she just cheat on him? I mean, I thought she loves him. Ah man, this girl, what's wrong with her? I wonder which boy she kissed. And I'd ask Freddie but right now he doesn't seem to be in the condition.

Is it stupid that it kind of hurts me to see him this way? Of course I feel sorry for him and I can understand that he's so down but… It hurts me that it hurts him so much. That it kills him that he and Carly aren't a couple anymore.

Yeah, it is stupid. Of course it hurts him, he loves her. They were going out for 6 months! If he wasn't sad something would be wrong with him.

Did he suffer as much as he broke up with me? Shut up!

Sometimes, or often I am really annoyed because of myself. Freddie is in my arms and suffers like hell and I am thinking about something so unimportant.

"Thank you Sam." Freddie looks at me and his wonderful, deep brown eyes are a little bit wet. He cries?

"Thank you for what?" I try to smile at him but I don't really feel like smiling.

"You are there for me. Was it intuition or why did you come here in the first place?" Well, the truth is I wanted to yell at you because it's your entire fault. Yeah, when I think about that, it's ridiculous.

"I kind of needed comfort too." Only now I realize that I should be crying too, since Griffin and I broke up. But the tears just won't come. Maybe I am really not sad that he and I are not a couple anymore. The only reason why I am sad is because he and I will never be able to be friends again.

"Why? What happened?" Let's distract him a little bit.

"Griffin and I kind of broke up today." Oh yeah, kind of. Freddie looks a little bit shocked. Is it so unbelievable?

"Oh. I am sorry." He stands up goes nervously through the room and sits down on the bed again, this time not so close to me anymore.

"You don't need to be. It's okay. Actually, I saw that coming." It's so weird how time passes by, isn't it? It feels like yesterday when Griffin and I kissed the first time.

"Really? I always thought you two make a great couple." Freddie looks at me and smiles a little bit.

"That's what I thought of you and Carly." When I see the smile disappearing from his face I cover my mouth with my hands, "Oh, I am so sorry."

"It's okay. That's what everybody thought. And I thought that too. But she had to kiss a strange guy." He runs his fingers through his hair and looks more hurt than before.

"Why did you and Griffin break up?" Obviously, he's trying to change the subject. But I would love to change it too. I mean, I can't tell him the truth, right?

"We fought. He thought I don't love him anymore and then we started to yell and then I left. He told me I should turn around, I didn't." I stare at the ground and the scene plays in my head again. That's not even such a big lie.

"You should talk to him again and tell him that he isn't right, that you do love him." It's really nice of him that he wants us to make up.

But I look at him, "He is right." Freddie is quiet for a while so I start to talk, "I don't love him, not in that way. Griffin is really a wonderful person but somehow my feelings were never stronger than friendship, you know? I mean, I tried to feel something for him but it didn't work. When we kissed I didn't get that feeling that I always had when-", I don't finish my sentence and I don't need to, Freddie gets it even though I leave it unsaid.

"But you didn't want to hurt him? You thought you would lose him if you reject him?" He looks at me and I just want to kiss him. It's stupid, I know.

"Yeah, but now I also lost him. Forever." A tear falls down my face. Saying that out loud hurt more than thinking it.

Freddie puts an arm around me and I rest my head on his shoulder, "Hey, it's alright."

We both know it isn't.

* * *

Freddie's POV

Even though I could sleep 6 more hours, I wake up.

I open my eyes and I am surprised to see Sam's blond hair. Her shampoo smells good. Sam's head is resting on my shoulder and my arm's around her.

Right, she didn't leave last night, she fell asleep and I didn't want to wake her up and before I knew it, I was sleeping too.

Last night. We both were pretty down yesterday. But when she was there I felt better.

She looks so cute when she's asleep. I remember that one photo I made when we slept together in one bed the first time. She was sleeping and I took a photo of us. I bet I still have it somewhere…

Which time is it? My PearPhone has to be somewhere. Ah there it is. Okay, Freddie, be careful or you'll wake her up. I bet I got thousands of text messages of Carly.

Something like, _'I am sorry. Please forgive me.'_

But I am not sure if I should forgive her. I trusted her and she made out with some dude I don't even know.

Sam would've never done something like this. I could always trust her. And that is something Carly doesn't need to expect from me anymore. We two are done. Right?

"Freddie?" I freeze. Right now my chest is right in front of her face because my cell phone is somewhere next to her head and my arm is still around her. Please, don't open your eyes or that could get awkward.

"I don't know what you were up to but get of off me…" She is still sleepy and I can barely understand her but it still makes me blush. Quickly, I take my phone and sit down.

"Good morning." I scratch the back of my head. Even though Sam woke up next to me a thousand times it's kind of weird.

"Oh. Sorry, I feel asleep. Gosh, I am so sorry." Yeah, Sam feels the same way. She is faster out of the bed than I can say "It's okay, don't worry."

"I will just leave, uhm, bye?" And then she runs out of the room which makes everything just more awkward. She's acting like we slept together. But when she's nervous or confused she's always cute.

What?

* * *

Sam's POV

"Oh, Hey Marissa!" Freddie's mom is standing in the kitchen and looks a little bit surprised to see me but then she starts to smile.

"Good morning Sam. You want breakfast?" I shake my head, wave, say something like Goodbye and leave.

Gosh, how could I fall asleep in Freddie's bed? And why did he have to let me? Oh man! I hope I didn't talk while I was sleeping…

Otherwise, it's not that bad. What am I trying to tell myself? It is.

But it was great. I never slept so well in ages. It's just his presence. Pull yourself together, Sam.

That's why I wanted to stay away from him, it just confuses me. He drives me crazy. If I am not with him I might know what I feel for him but when I get too close to him it always freaks me out.

Stupid me.

"Hey mom!" I open the door and enter the kitchen. My mother looks kind of angry at me.

"Hey mom? I was worried. You should have called me. Where have you been?" Honestly, this woman cracks me up every time.

"Come on, I get better at this!" She bursts out in laughter too. I know she cares about me but it's like Spencer trying to act like an adult. Ridiculous.

"A little bit. But to answer your question, I was in Freddie's bed after Griffin and I broke up. Freddie broke up with Carly too because she cheated on him." She doesn't look shocked. Yeah, after all, mom did much more weird things than that.

"Okay. But I have some good news. You never have to deal with these Seattle boys anymore." She smiles and some pretty handsome man is coming into the room.

"Hello, I'm George." He shakes my hand and I just smile a little bit confused. The only George I know is a pink bra.

"I am Sam. But what do you mean by that mom?" I look at her and she has a bright smile on her face.

"What do you think? Samantha, we are moving out of Seattle."

* * *

**Okay, so what is important… **

**I won't be able to update every week because school is starting on Monday. And they'll make me do tons of homework. :(  
Ugh, I don't want to think about that.  
Maybe I can take that much better if I get some nice reviews. ;)  
They would also be a great birthday present. Oh yeah my birthday is coming up. (*cough* Saturday *cough*) :P**

**However, I really want to hear what you think about it. :D **

**BYE!**

**~SeddiexTwilight~**


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